Remembering Dear Arunay

Jan 18, 2021 was a beautiful day at Cowell Ranch Beach in Half Moon Bay on the California coastline. But it turned into our worst nightmare in just a few minutes when a rip current snatched away Arunay, our 12-year-old son. Against all odds, the entire community came together and searched the coastline for some sign of Arunay for weeks. During those days, while the search was still on, we were confronted with something that no parent should have to think about - the last rites of your child. What does Hindu Dharma say about how parents should bid farewell to their children? Do they have to? Is there a time limit? Can it be done in the absence of the mortal remains? Does it help the child ascend?

We did not know the answers to these questions, we did not even know where to look.

Two weeks after we lost Arunay to the ocean, a close family friend introduced us to Hindu Community Institute (HCI) leaders Madan-ji and Kailash-ji. They knew about this incredibly painful event and offered to be there for us whenever we had doubts and questions. Through HCI we were able to access a group of learned people who could help us understand concepts in Hinduism that were otherwise elusive to us. They came forward to hold our hands (in the midst of a pandemic) and provided us tools as we were trying to navigate life without Arunay.

Growing up in Hindu families we have witnessed various practices to assimilate the reality of the death of a loved one. But that did not prepare us to deal with the agony of outliving our own child - this did not fit with a natural progression of life. Vishnuji Swami, a Vedic scholar at HCI, explained how to integrate a child's loss into our life narratives and let go of our attachment. Traditions and rituals started to make more sense and became more accessible.

Despite our best intentions, there are stretches of days when we get pulled again into the journey of grief and healing. It comforts us to know that we can turn to an organization like HCI for guidance whenever we feel unanchored in our values and ideas.

Thank you for your kindness and wisdom.